No matter how many times it happens, changes always amaze me. Some are good, and benefit your life. Some are bad, and you have no control over them. Ultimately though, how you handle them, good or bad, will determine how your life turns out. You may not be able to control the changes themselves, but you are the only one who can control your reaction to them.
This past month has brought tremendous change into my life. David and I are moving in together soon. It is something that is very good. The process has been a bit bumpy, dealing with landlords and such, which is something we have no control over, but getting to the end result of living together is the goal, and one that we won’t give up on. We both want this very much.
The other change that has happened just in the last day is that I finally filed for divorce from Bruce. It was weird…our different reactions. We both wanted this, that is why we split up a little over a year ago. I can honestly say that I am exstatic to be moving on with my life. I want to get this chapter of my life over. I don’t hate Bruce. I actually feel pity for him, he is so lost in his life. But I learned the hard way that I cannot be the person that leads him through that. He has to do that himself. He seemed almost sad yesterday when we finished the paperwork and paid the court clerk. I thought that it would take about a month for it to be finalized, even though we agree on everything. When the court clerk told us we would probably be divorced by Wednesday of this week, he looked shell shocked.
And then there is the medical information that I have just received concerning my shoulder and arm. It is still in the “maybe” stage, but it gives me both good news and bad news. It is now being tossed around that I probably have developed RSD/CRPS in my right shoulder and arm. RSD (Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy) can be caused by an injury or surgery. It causes extreme pain, among other things.
I have to go for a three phase bone scan next week, which will help them have a better idea, but there is no definitive test for this. It is more objective on the doctor’s part, by ruling out other causes. The good news on this front is that I would finally have a diagnosis. This would help me settle my workman’s compensation case, and move on with my life. The bad news is that there is no cure, and even with medication and physical therapy, there is a real chance that I could lose complete use of my arm.
Everyday, I search for new ways to do things since my dominant hand is not very useable. It is frustrating to say the least. But there is a sense of empowerment to it….beating the odds. Finding a way to deal with a disability that I never thought would happen. You cannot forsee changes like this. But you also cannot wallow in self pity. It is all in how you deal with it.