Changes

No matter how many times it happens, changes always amaze me. Some are good, and benefit your life. Some are bad, and you have no control over them. Ultimately though, how you handle them, good or bad, will determine how your life turns out. You may not be able to control the changes themselves, but you are the only one who can control your reaction to them.

This past month has brought tremendous change into my life. David and I are moving in together soon. It is something that is very good. The process has been a bit bumpy, dealing with landlords and such, which is something we have no control over, but getting to the end result of living together is the goal, and one that we won’t give up on. We both want this very much.

The other change that has happened just in the last day is that I finally filed for divorce from Bruce. It was weird…our different reactions. We both wanted this, that is why we split up a little over a year ago. I can honestly say that I am exstatic to be moving on with my life. I want to get this chapter of my life over. I don’t hate Bruce. I actually feel pity for him, he is so lost in his life. But I learned the hard way that I cannot be the person that leads him through that. He has to do that himself. He seemed almost sad yesterday when we finished the paperwork and paid the court clerk. I thought that it would take about a month for it to be finalized, even though we agree on everything. When the court clerk told us we would probably be divorced by Wednesday of this week, he looked shell shocked.

And then there is the medical information that I have just received concerning my shoulder and arm. It is still in the “maybe” stage, but it gives me both good news and bad news. It is now being tossed around that I probably have developed RSD/CRPS in my right shoulder and arm. RSD (Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy) can be caused by an injury or surgery. It causes extreme pain, among other things.

I have to go for a three phase bone scan next week, which will help them have a better idea, but there is no definitive test for this. It is more objective on the doctor’s part, by ruling out other causes. The good news on this front is that I would finally have a diagnosis. This would help me settle my workman’s compensation case, and move on with my life. The bad news is that there is no cure, and even with medication and physical therapy, there is a real chance that I could lose complete use of my arm.

Everyday, I search for new ways to do things since my dominant hand is not very useable. It is frustrating to say the least. But there is a sense of empowerment to it….beating the odds. Finding a way to deal with a disability that I never thought would happen. You cannot forsee changes like this. But you also cannot wallow in self pity. It is all in how you deal with it.

Be blessed!

Shoulder recouperation…

or is it?

I have just started with a new physical therapist. Fran specializes in craniosacral therapy and myofascial therapy.

I have only been to two appointments, and am going in for my third tomorrow. The first appointment, Fran was able to lightly massage my lower arm (from the elbow down), and did something that no one has done to this point….stop the tremors. It was temporary, as they came back a few hours later, but still, it impressed me.

At my second appointment, she did more massage, going all the way to the shoulder, and the back, in the area of my shoulder blade up, and also out towards my rib cage and arm. She hit some major pain areas, and while it hurt while she was doing it, I did feel a “release” of the tightness.

I am trying hard to do what she tells me to….(1) Let the arm rest! It needs to basically “shut down” so that it can really heal, which it didn’t get right after the surgery. (2) Listen to my body. When it hurts, relax. I tend to pull my shoulders up…didn’t even realize it until she said something. I am conciously catching myself doing it now. I have to remind myself to relax. Take naps or lay down when I need to (which seems to be every day). (3) Don’t go to work and kill myself. If I feel I can’t do much that day because the shoulder is too painful, or the left arm is just exhausted from making up for the right, don’t go. I am fortunate in this respect that my work is very flexible. The doctor recommended 20 hrs light duty a week, but I am rarely able to make that, and work is ok with that.

So, while I am still extremely skeptical, and told Fran so, I have to admit that I am impressed thus far. After my therapy Wednesday, my arm felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. I couldn’t use it if I wanted to. That is such a different feeling compared to the hyper-tightness I have had since my injury in October. I hurt all over. She said that would be expected. Her exact words were, “You are going to feel like I beat the snot out of you”.

Time for meds and sleep.

Be blessed.

Communication

It is amazing how valuable communication can be in a new relationship. You have to be able to let go of your jaded views from past failed relationships, and realize this new person is not your past.

I am far from perfect, and so is David. But the one thing we seem to have gotten very good at, is communication. Especially about our fears. We have both had a situation early in our relationship, where we questioned the actions of the other, due to our experiences with ex’s.

But what has kept these things from turning into huge fights or misunderstandings, is that we ask what we are afraid to ask. We get answers before jumping to the wrong conclusions.

This is new territory for me. I have never had a man willing to be so open to talking about important issues in our relationship. I enjoy it very much. We don’t spend 100% of our time discussing the serious things…we do have fun, sometimes being totally silly, other times being romantic. But just knowing, that the option is there to bring up something we feel is important to us, is a huge thing.

How are your communication skills? Have you been honest with yourself about how you deal with others? It is the hardest thing you can do…looking in the mirror and being honest about what you see in yourself.

Be blessed and communicate it!

Fourth of July, new beginnings…

It has been an interesting month or so since I last wrote. Much has happened, most good, some so-so. My shoulder is the same. I have since been put on Lidoderm patches, and Cymbalta, to try and control the pain. I had an EMG test last week, and there is no sign of nerve damage. That is both good and bad. Good because there is no nerve damage, bad because we still don’t have an explanation for all the pain, and the tremors.

Good news and new beginnings….

I have been seeing David for a few months now. We started dating shortly after January, but being a bit burned from my marriage falling apart last year, I pulled away from him. I am not proud of it, but I basically slammed the door in his face for a few months.

He didn’t give up on me though. Here and there for nearly 2 months, he kept sending me an email, checking up on me. I never answered….until one day. I have no clue what changed, or what made me answer, but I am so glad I did.

He has such a good heart, and truly is an “old fashioned” man. He wants to take care of me, but not in a neurotic, “nice guy” way…he wants nothing in return. He does it out of the goodness of his heart, and because he loves me. Just as I do it for him.

This is a huge adjustment to get used to after the ex. The ex never did anything unless there was some benefit in it for him, usually trying to get me to love him more. But David is the complete opposite. He is quiet, that is something I am also not used to, but I don’t have to doubt how he feels about me. A hand on my knee while we are driving in the car, or watching tv is all it takes to remind me.

Here we are waiting for fireworks to start last Wednesday…

Earlier in the day, we did a BBQ with the kids in the backyard, and they played croquet

This is my daughter Sam, and his son Jake. They are only about 3 months apart in age.


And this is the elusive Deborah. She seems quite stealth at eluding my camera, but as you can see, just like the Geico geko, she can be filmed if the photographer is skilled.


And this is at the ballfield in our little town of 3500. This was the first year that they did their own fireworks, and I have to say it was pretty impressive for their first time.

There was a short little burst of fireworks, and then nothing for nearly 15 minutes. My youngest, Tommy, pipes up with “Gee, if that was it, this was a waste of time!” Gotta love the things they say. We also attempted to go to the fireworks a couple towns over. We sat for nearly 2 hours waiting for them to start, and it just got too late, so we started to head home. Of course, the minute we pulled out of the parking lot where we were camped out for the show, they started. Oh well.

David and I have decided to combine our families. We go tomorrow to look at a 5 bedroom house here in town. I won’t move to his town because of the bad environment, and it’s in a small city, and we all know I am a country girl.

More new beginnings…………I am a grammy now.

Meet Sauske Douglas. Born Monday, June 30th. He weighed in at 6lbs, 6oz. He is my stepdaughter, Nikki’s little boy. Gorgeous eh?

Be blessed!

Brain cells do not work here

I did my first practice transcription last week. Hillarious is the only word I can find to describe this. I sat down and got ergonomically correct, and opened the file I was to transcribe. It was 36 minutes long. I knew it would be a bit of a challenge to learn to control the foot pedal as needed in order to type this file.

One hour later………I had done a whole 18 minutes! I couldn’t stop laughing. Funny how your brain tells your fingers what to type, but for some reason the brain cells don’t seem to be connected to the fingers, and they just fly willy-nilly all over the keyboard.

I needed a break, and a coffee. Fifteen minutes later I was back at the keyboard, to type out the last 18 minutes.

I put it away for the weekend, and decided to wait and correct it this morning. Oy vey! I need to study better on the grammar and punctuation aspects. Many mistakes…not good. I think making a cheat sheet for my bulletin board above my desk might be in order here. Something in large print that I can quickly look up at when necessary.

Feel free to share any tips that you use, to help you remember those all important rules during transcription.

And today will be a rough day, so no transcription, only book work. I have to go for more trigger point injections in my shoulder/back. Not looking forward to that. But David is coming with me to hold my hand. What a good man I have found.

Be blessed.

A Day at the Beach…and new friends

I have been seeing David for awhile now. We dated a few times, a few months ago, and then I needed a break. He seemed to be a bit “needy”…suffocating me a bit. If you know me, that will make me run quicker than a skittish deer. That is what I got out of last year..in my marriage.

Well, fast forward a few months, and several emails from David, and I let down my guard just a little bit. We also had a serious discussion about what I need in a relationship….and to my amazement, he heard me. Amazement, because I haven’t experienced that before.

So, we have been seeing each other fairly steadily the last few weeks, and seems we have fallen into a nice comfy spot. Today we got together the kids for the first time. He had never met mine, nor I his.

He has to learn one thing though…..Get used to the camera Bud!! It goes everywhere with me!!

I can’t decide…is my youngest doing an impression of Frogman or Aquaman?

And apparently, David’s son Jacob has to learn that the lens of the camera can be on you at any moment.

His daughter Deborah seems to be better at escaping the lens, as I didn’t get one photo of her.

Sam and her friends didn’t escape me however. Her friends drove up from about 20 minutes away, to go swimming with her and hang out.

They all left (including my daughter), to go swimming at another local pond, where it was less crowded. It is hard to let her take off with her friends, but she is almost 16…so I guess it’s time to let her off her leash once in awhile.

After the swimming…….

You thought you were going to see me in a bathingsuit?????? What are you high? Have you been out in the heat too much? This chickie doesn’t go swimming, so no suit needed.

We went back to my apartment and had some burgers and hot dogs, with chips and soda. A nice little meal for a desperately hot day.

Last week it rained 5 out of 6 days, and it never got out of the high 50’s to low 60’s. Yesterday was 92, today 94. It is supposed to be hotter tomorrow and Tuesday before we get a bit of a break.

Maybe I will eventually get a good shot of David….I could sneak up on him when he is sleeping.

This makes me laugh…

And to make it even more funny, read the lyrics:

When you’re feeling inside out and insecure,
and life keeps getting you down.
When all life’s daily worries·hurry through your head.
You don’t want to even ·get up.
You just lie around in bed.
When you feel you just can’t take it anymore
And you wonder what on earth it is all foryour love life’s like a war zone
Your tv’s on the blinkit’s enough to drive a drinking man to stop and take a
Think

·just ·remember that you standing on a planet that’s evolving,revolving at 900
Miles an hour.it’s orbiting at 19 miles a second, so it’s reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day.
In an outer spiral orb, at 40,000 miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the milky way

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It’s a 100,000 light years side to side
It bulges in the middle 16,000 light years thick,
But out by us it’s just 3,000 light years wide.
We’re 30,000 light years from galactic central point.
We go round every 200,000,000 years.
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.

Our universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whiz
As fast as it can go, the speed of light you know, 12,000,000 miles a minute,
And that’s the fastest speed there is!
So, remember when you’re feeling very small and insecure
How amazingly unlikely is your birth.
And pray that there’s intelligent life somewhere up in space,
‘cause I’m afraid that we’ve been cheated here on earth.”

-Courtesy of Lyrics Time

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